If you strengthen the stern, you'll weaken the bow

The world of engineering is all about balance…and awkwardness it seems.

Today was the preliminary oral portion of the Ph.D. qualifying exam. It requires a 15 minute journal article critique and discussion on how the student’s research will improve upon its findings.

I dressed-up for the occasion. By “dressed-up” I mean I wore my Steve Madden’s and a shirt with minimal sulfuric acid exposure. At the end of the three presentations for the day, my fluids teacher commented, “Columbia and Mike, you guys are natural speakers, good work – ESPECIALLY you, Mike. And Florida, you’re severely lacking…Now, you CAN do just as well as the other guys, but you’ll have spend extra time rehearsing…Mike probably doesn’t practice at all...”*

Normally, I would seize such a rare opportunity to leap triumphantly onto the table, point, and laugh hysterically at my vanquished rival, but Florida and I are friends. He's a good guy, and besides, there are other ultra-conservatives infinitely more deserving of my ridicule.

Sitting silently as my professor explained the facts of life, I felt more embarrassed for Florida than flattered for me.

The meeting ended, and we walked outside into the snow. And there I was – fancy shmancy and slick enough to pass through prison bars. There Florida was – beat up jeans, tennis shoes, and a T-shirt. Just past the sidewalk on the SE corner of the Merril Building, a steep, dirt short-cut leads down to the bus stop. I followed Florida as he effortlessly navigated the trampled path. Lucky for me, Steve Madden's are a performance shoe with cushioning like a concrete slab and traction like wool socks on linoleum tiles. After two steps, my arms flailed uncontrollably as my feet desperately clawed at the white turf in attempt to prevent their owner from sliding into oncoming traffic.** Somehow, I made it to the bottom of the hill without falling or having to stare down the headlights of a UPS truck – all it cost was the image of the suave, master of destiny I’d possessed only moments ago. Grateful to be standing on solid, level ground again, I looked up at Florida. He was laughing like a little kid, but I couldn't blame him. Afterall, few events say "winter" better than a momentum-driven bout with gravity.

Like I said, an engineer’s world is all about balance.

*He was right, but more importantly, I’d like to point out that my professor was being comparatively nice. Many in his position live to tear graduate students apart. What can I say? That’s scientific academia for
you.
**I don't know how you females survive in heels.