There's a hundred ways to cover your redneck past

Thursday was a good day, I had not one but TWO dates! I drove down to Provo to attend a BYU rendition of Hamlet. I’d known date number 1 for a while, but this was the first official time we'd been out. Smart, athletic, good looking, ambitious, good musical ear, decent taste in music and movies, indifference to politics. All in all not perfect, but still a pretty damn good catch. We had plenty to talk about and even laughed most of the time we were together. There was only one problem...

I just wasn’t attracted to him. I guess I should have seen that one coming. We lived together for almost a year, and what can I say? Certain things don’t change.

The second date was with Drama Queen (who I AM attracted to). We met up after the play at 11:15pm. It turns out there aren’t a lot of places open at that hour, so we ended up at Betos, my favorite greasy Provo Mexican joint. We ordered orchada/tamarindo and sat down on the cleanest bench we could find. As we talked about the play, I realized I had a problem - I couldn’t get my straw through my drink’s lid. As most people who know me know, I’m ALL about looking suave when on dates, so I had to take decisive action. Push really really hard and get the job done before anyone noticed my awkwardness. After a couple unsuccessful attempts. DQ noticed my dilemma.

Um I don’t think the straw goes in there.

She points to the scored "plus" sign near the edge of the lid.

Heh heh…I knew that.

I had been trying to go through the tiny, pressure equilibrating hole in the center of the cup the whole time. In my defense, I’d been running since 7:00am and was starting to show some wear. Later, as we were talking and my drink got low, I did what I always do. Tip the cup higher. Unfortunately, I had forgotten I was drinking through a straw and that my cup had a lid. I realized my folly about the time tamarindo started spilling onto my shirt. DQ laughed in disbelief. It was a good way to end the night.
Redneck Past - Ben Folds Five