Can't get no SAT-is-Faction
So I'm sitting here at my computer, procrastinating bedtime. The past few days have been great. Finals ended on Thursday, and grades came quickly and favorably. Sadly, one can't stay in the eye of the storm forever. Tomorrow, I have to put the engine back in gear and begin preparing for the last portion of the qualifier (the test that determines how quickly I get kicked out of the university).
Back in September, I started with five other graduate students. In January, five more showed up. Including myself, we had three Americans, one African, four Indians, and three Asians. As of last week, the other two Americans had officially given up. Maybe that gives the department yet one more reason to want to keep me around. I've never felt like a valued minority before; it's kinda nice.
Something is nevertheless missing. I used to think that getting an "A" in a class would bring immense satisfaction. Now, I've come to realize that as far as my personal contentment goes, the grade by itself is rather arbitrary.
Typically, I feel my performance was not what it could have been, and consequently, a degree of dissatisfaction always permeates my post-final/race/presentation sentiments.
For some unknown reason, that dissatisfaction becomes the very driving force behind subsequent ambitions and pursuits (or at least their beginnings).
I told a friend today that a person can use negativity to bring about positive results; maybe I wasn't just talking out my arse after all. Regardless, tonight's garrulousity indicates one thing for sure - I should have gone to bed ages ago.
Rolling Stones - Satisfaction
Back in September, I started with five other graduate students. In January, five more showed up. Including myself, we had three Americans, one African, four Indians, and three Asians. As of last week, the other two Americans had officially given up. Maybe that gives the department yet one more reason to want to keep me around. I've never felt like a valued minority before; it's kinda nice.
Something is nevertheless missing. I used to think that getting an "A" in a class would bring immense satisfaction. Now, I've come to realize that as far as my personal contentment goes, the grade by itself is rather arbitrary.
Typically, I feel my performance was not what it could have been, and consequently, a degree of dissatisfaction always permeates my post-final/race/presentation sentiments.
For some unknown reason, that dissatisfaction becomes the very driving force behind subsequent ambitions and pursuits (or at least their beginnings).
I told a friend today that a person can use negativity to bring about positive results; maybe I wasn't just talking out my arse after all. Regardless, tonight's garrulousity indicates one thing for sure - I should have gone to bed ages ago.
Rolling Stones - Satisfaction
posted by Saule Cogneur at 1:35 AM
3 Comments:
Hey, though, congrats on getting through the first leg of things.
U-S-A!! U-S-A!! :) You can do it! Congratulations on finishing up finals - I'm sure you will do well on the last qualifier bit.
"A person can use negativity to bring about positive results."
I like that. I think you're right.
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