Yeah? Well if you don't go out with me, I'll go home and cut myself!!

The only thing I've ever been particularly good at in my life was solving physical problems. Naturally, it's important for me to have a good record when people approach me with related questions. My reputation is all I've got.

Recently, my cousin asked me about the cause of a phenomena known as "ice/salt burns." Specifically, he was curious about what actually caused the "burn." Apparently, it's the latest craze among masochists, yet somehow, I'd never heard of it.

I gave my cousin a couple theories, but no good scientist stops with mere conjectures be they his/her own or those of less credible people. Experimentation was unavoidable. Internet testimony and youtube videos are great, but my nerves know the difference between sulfuric acid, sodium hydroxide, liquid nitrogen, phosphorus, dry ice, nitric acid, incandescent metal, and conventional flame trauma. How could I not take advantage of this awareness? 

Upon learning how to successfully masochonize myself, I ran two replicates. In my cousin's words, "after 5 seconds, it burns like a mother f*&#er." I took that picture today, so after two weeks, I must say, the injury is tenacious but probably not permanent.

Conclusion: Mike goes to disturbing lengths to validate his existence.

Shocker.