To vanish into oblivion, Is easy to do. And I try to be but you know me I come back when you want me to.

On track with my goal to follow through, I finished another book, Elliott Smith and the Big Nothing. It was wonderful and sad and wonderfully sad.

I jumped on the Elliott Smith bandwagon during the most uncool moment possible - after the release of Good Will Hunting and his academy award nomination. Due to the excessive language, I can't watch that movie too often, but still, it is among the few films that affects me to the core. Elliott Smith's music ranks even higher.

It's true that his songs are often sad. Many of Smith's lyrics revolve around dark experiences of his past and new demons from his present. His death, an apparent suicide, hardly speaks in favor of his philosophy that you had to know sadness to make happiness meaningful. Yet I still find a lot of hope and brightness in the little I know about his life and his music.

I identify with Smith more than I do with other musicians, and I don't think it means I have to be depressed. It bothered Smith that the world so hard on people; in his better days, he always tried to improve the situations that surrounded him. He was a champion of the underdog but preferred to keep to himself. I don't think he was nobler than anyone else however. Like the rest of us, he just did the best he could with what he experienced. Naturally, there is a lot to say.

It bothers me when people, referring to me or anyone else who listens to Smith, say with condescending intonation, "Listens to Elliott Smith huh? No wonder..." I don't feel those persons give him enough credit.

A person is rather naive to think they can sum up somebody in a few words. Like me and every other person on this planet, Smith was a real person, no more, no less.

What a silly thing to say. Duh. Of course he was real. Still, I have a tendency to forget the obvious.

I forget that everyone is real sometimes. Everyone has a lifetime of experiences, passions, and trials underlying their personalities. No one is simple. Though I can't know for sure, I think Smith understood this aspect of humanity too. His fans loved him because he was so real and so personal, and so did I.

Miss Misery - Elliott Smith